Google mail better not publish this to everyone!

Perhaps I should really be doing my dissertation instead of writing this shit up. I guess sometimes you just have to release your frustrations somehow and kicking a hole in the wall is not a healthy way to do it.

So really what is the point of this rant? Well it is more often than not about a member of the opposite sex. They drive me crazy. Honestly they do. Sleepless nights, irregular eating patterns and lack of concentration is really a short list of what is bothering me in the past week. It actually only started 1 week ago and boy the week has gone fast.

I met her at a party and I can honestly say that she swept me off my feet. What a stunner. Beautiful round eyes, long legs and a smile that just takes your breath away. Well I’ve met many girls before but somehow she was special.

Probably adding to this little distraction that I have at the moment is the fact that this year has been comparatively ‘barren’ in terms of crushes or girls of interest. It must be the fact that with the honours year structure, I spend my time at home most of the time and when I’m out at uni I’m usually in the lab. So the first out of the blue party that I decided to attend I meet this girl. Well it certainly got me thinking that I need to go to more of this parties in the future.

Now comes to the body of this writing, a few rhetorical questions which could instantly tell you the current state of my self-confidence. Why am I usually second best when it comes to relationships? I guess maybe I’m not that attractive enough to generate that first spark. Also what do I have to do to make things right? Now in the past I was too slow and hesitant to do anything and so I speed things up now. Yet the methodology is still not perfect, what am I missing here?

I guess I find it relaxing to write my thoughts out like this. The person who reads this doesn’t know who I am. This piece of writing could be filled with grammatical errors (no spelling errors thanks to spell check) or poor English but I don’t really care. It is also a breath of fresh air as expressive/carefree language is to be avoided when writing a scientific paper/article. And what I like the most though is that no one I know knows this still exists. Could be the beginning of a journal perhaps, a continuation from the emotional mess that I was in a few years ago?

So to answer the question of ‘What do you want for your birthday this year?’ I guess my answer could be a girlfriend.